Welcome to NZ

I returned to Monterrey, Mexico; my thoughts remained in that moment, the moment when Didi held my finger with her tiny hand and Luca said “tio Luis, bye tio Luis” (‘tio’ for ‘uncle’ in Spanish). Right before leaving the hospital room where Ana was recovering, Ana said “cancel your ticket you know you want to stay”. I hate women in general, they just put this kind of thoughts in your head but they don’t take responsibility for the actions you take after following their advice! Never mind.

Back in Mexico I told everyone about Laurence, Ana, the kids, New Zealand, sheep everywhere, Auckland, the funny accent, the All Blacks, the pies, driving on the wrong side of the road, the funny money they have, etc. I obviously posted pictures of my trip on my facebook page. My friends loved the pictures, and the girls asked “oh who is that lovely kid?” and I answered “this is Luca, he is my nephew”. “Oh you look so cute with the boy; it seems you are good with kids, that’s sooo cute”. Do you see the market opportunity here? Of course you do. Anyway...

There were a lot of things to do before turning my life into a state of unemployment, ambiguity, fragile migratory status and solitude. As I said, lots of things had to be done in order to leave properly my country. But hey, you are not here to read the story of another Mexican leaving Mexico. You are here to read how does it feel to babysit two babies in New Zealand while looking for a decent job, applying for a 2 years work permit and don’t get deported in the attempt.

Indeed, let’s jump all the way to the 19th of January 2010. Finally I arrived to Auckland, but this time Laurence wasn’t there waiting for me at the airport. Neither was Ana or the kids, or ... anyone. Just my dear friend Ranjhid Mohapatra, my taxi driver that day, was there for me, driving me all the way to 21 Thorp St. I imagined, on my way to Ana’s, how I’d be welcomed by these fantastic people. Hugs, smiling faces, a nice dinner, Luca all happy with the presents I brought him from the motherland, yes, I was day dreaming again. Finally I arrived to my destination, paid Ranjhid and walked to the front door. I heard some voices, but I was in trance, so didn’t really pay attention.


I knocked on the door twice; "come in", Ana’s voice was clear but anxious. I opened the door slowly, the welcoming I imagined turned into the must unpredictable / surreal scenario. First I saw Luca; covered in yogurt, screaming, crying, and looking at me like saying “what are you doing standing there? Don’t you see I’m crying about something critical in my life? Who are you anyway?” He had this dried booger line on his cheek, apparently he had a running nose and well, it was evident he wasn’t happy about it. I entered cautiously, then I heard Ana “Luis is that you?” when I saw her, oh my gosh, she was holding this beautiful baby girl in her arms. Looking at Didi again didn’t make me notice that Ana looked exhausted. There were things every where on the floor, yogurt spread on this glass table (I hate dried dairy products), the phone was ringing and the telly was on high volume, It was a war zone. Didi was crying, Luca was screaming, Ana was very close to passing out and I was jetlagged. This is how New Zealand welcomed me.

Love at first sight...

She was the first of my closest friends to have a baby. When I was talking on the phone with Ana I could hear a baby crying in New Zealand, indeed it was the miracle of life. Oh the miracle of life and New Zealand, wait, really? Where the heck is that country? Of course I knew where it was, however half of Mexico (and almost 83% of the United States’ population) thought that New Zealand was very close to the UK, true story.

Anyway, they named their little boy Luca, and they decided to come to Mexico to show Ana’s family and friends what an amazing human being they’ve conceived 9 months ago (apparently during a “special” night full of tequila shots and cheap beer).  The moment I held Luca in my arms I knew that I was good with kids or babies or... whatever thing related. However I also thought: “let's take this little fellow to the shopping mall and see what single ladies have to say about it”. I also thought about the amazing things that I’ll teach to this guy when he turns 18. His first beer, his first “lets buy Uncle Luis a pint of Guinness because his pension money is not enough”, his first job as my wing man, oh wait, that’ll be soon at the shopping mall. 

While I imagined all this rubbish in my head Ana said to me “Why don’t you move to New Zealand with us?” Me? New Zealand? What’s there? Is it still part of Australia or they are independent now? (just kidding). Ana’s proposal was even more tempting than Japanese twins in a hot tub (if you know what I mean). New Zealand... that kept me thinking for a while.

After a month in Mexico the new family went back to Kiwiland, sombreros, Mexican souvenirs and salsas included (still sad donkeys didn’t get the visa so they stayed in Mexico). They left me with travelling thoughts wondering in my mind, my day dreaming problem aggravated.  

This wasn’t over; on January of 2009 Ana sent me an email:

Dear Luis

Blah blah blah blah blah ... I’m late, it happened three months ago, or so... blah blah blah... I’m now pregnant... blah blah blah... it’s a girl!

Love

Ana

Ps: quit your job and come to New Zealand!

Again! Again Ana announced to the world (donkeys no longer impressed) that she was pregnant. Not only that, but that the baby she was expecting was a girl. A girl! I was overwhelmed by all this. So after reading that email I had a sip of this very nice cabernet sauvignon (such a nice wine that I can no longer buy because I don’t have a corporate job, thanks Ana) and sighed.

I applied for the New Zealand Working Holiday Visa in April 2009; guess what, I got it. I took some days off work and went to Auckland in September. During my visit to Ana’s foster country I witnessed one of the most amazing events in my life: Emma Dilara’s birth. When I arrived to Auckland, Ana was a very pregnant woman. And by “very” I mean “wooooow”.

Let me tell you something about pregnant women, they are always right, they are always moody, ruthless and can destroy your self esteem by only using small sentences. I decided not to mention anything to Ana regarding her appearance. However I’m a very expressive person, so when she asked me “How do I look with this on?” I said “fine”. Wrong answer; let me put it this way, the consequences of that “fine” resulted in me travelling solo around the North Island for two weeks.

I did travel for two weeks while in New Zealand, Ana and Laurence were really busy with all the arrangement they had to make for Didi’s birth. Ana’s mom was there as well, so it was a very Mexican-ish  preparation thing. Finally, on my last weekend in New Zealand, on the 19^th of September of 2009 Emma Dilara was born.

If love at first sight exists it might be much related to what I felt the first time she smiled at me (I know what you are thinking “newborns don’t smile”, she smiled at me, no question about it). The cutest thing ever, little hands, little fingers, little body, and those little eyes looking at my face for the first time. The day after her birth I flew back to Mexico. My decision was taken already.

On the moment Didi held my finger with her tiny hand I decided to moved out of Mexico and give New Zealand a try.

Rhetorical questions of a complicated uncle.

“Uncle”; that word protruded in my head for weeks. It wasn’t only the fact that my friend was bringing a new human being to this complicated world; it was much more than just that. Ana’s pregnancy meant to me the beginning of a new era, a new phase in my life. With the word “uncle” still echoing in my head I realized that I was getting older. Yes, it’s true; when your close friends decide it’s time to get married and have kids it means you are getting older. You go from going out with your friends to not going out at all with your friends because they are busy changing diapers or “dating” other couples. Dating other couples, sincerely people, why do you do that? Isn’t complicated enough to satisfy your partner’s needs that you feel the urge to interact and pretend you are interested in somebody else’s life and ideas? Anyway, that’s not the point. And it was a rhetorical question, so please stop thinking about this.

Where was I? Oh yes, Ana was pregnant, right? Indeed, the fact that I just knew when this baby would be born made me think and think and think a little bit more. You need to know something about me, I daydream, true story. Sometimes I lose sense of time and space while daydreaming, it is my favourite sport. So for the first couple of weeks after knowing that Ana was pregnant I kept daydreaming, I imagined my life as an uncle, a young uncle. I’ll carry this newborn everywhere I went, and people will look at me and would say “Oh look at that beautiful baby and that must be the uncle, what a handsome young man”. I also imagined those hot “ready to commit” women, wondering if I was the dad or just the uncle. I’ll stop and like if I was reading their minds will say “No, wait, I’m just the uncle, and by the way, I’m single”. Am I actually talking about using a baby to revert my lack of luck in relationships so far? Anyway.

Many questions lured through my mind. How would he look like? Will he like me? What will I be able to teach this new person? Silently, I waited, and waited... eight long months, then one day, Doña Elvia, Ana’s mom, called me and said to me “The baby was born yesterday in Auckland”. He was born, he was here, well, not really “here” but somewhere. It’s funny how when I hung up the phone a feeling of solemnity and formality grew inside of me. Thoughts I never had before started running through my mind; “Uncle” thoughts. I felt so, how could I put it? So like a grown up, yes, that’s how I felt. Like when they offer you a drink at the pub and you say “Oh no, I’m driving”, here I felt like “Oh no thanks, my nephew was born today, so...I can’t”. Responsibility, that’s sort of what I felt. Things from how to hold that little baby in my arms will feel to changing nappies.

Note to the reader: Later, when I changed nappies for the first time, I decided I’ll never do that for someone else’s kids. It’s gross. Changing nappies it’s not an event that decides if you are a grown up or still growing, definitely no.

The next day I tried to contact Ana over the phone, I wanted to know how she felt. Later on she shared her feelings with me, and I quote: “You wanted to know how I felt? Really? You want to know how it feels to push and push and push for 30 hours straight and then see how a creature the size of an average watermelon comes out of a cavity the size of a cherry?” Ana at her finest. (I’m not sure about the cherry thing though). Well, at least I didn’t have to listen her complaints about morning sickness.

Back to basics...

“Dear friends, Laurence and I are so happy to tell you that we are pregnant!” Ana’s email was neat, clear and informative. Honest happiness and a full bag of positive emotions could be felt in every single word written in that email.

That was three years ago, I read that email in Monterrey, Mexico. Today, I write these lines from Auckland, New Zealand. This is how the most amazing adventure of this single Mexican male started.

Ana and Laurence 2010

Ana is one of my best friends, and since she told me she was pregnant, I knew that my days as a regular friend were over. Ana and I studied at the same university, where we met for the first time in 2001. Our friendship grew stronger during the last year of university, right after we came back from our exchange program in Europe during the spring in 2004. When she arrived, Ana told me that she has met this amazing guy in Finland (he is not Finnish, he is sort of half English half Turkish, anyway).

Her eyes glowed with joy every time she was talking about Laurence, we couldn’t wait to meet the man who has stolen our friend’s heart. Finally, 6 months after Ana came back from Europe, Laurence arrived to Mexico, to the mother land, the land of the mariachis, tacos, Coronas and all the Mexican stereotypes that you might imagine (except for the one about Mexican men with big moustaches, wearing huge sombreros and riding sad looking donkeys). So we met Laurence, nice kind hearted blond guy, egg shaped bald head, skinny and transparent; we all approved. After a while they got married and they moved to New Zealand. Nine months later Ana announced to all of us that she was pregnant. When the announcement was made by her mother the entire Mexican community cheered and drank tequila in joy (sad looking donkeys included).

While I was celebrating with our friends in Mexico, Ana realized that now she had to assimilate that her life was about to change in eight months time. Oh, the miracle of life, so mysterious, so unexpected. Even though that baby wasn’t born yet, Ana felt like the most loving mother on earth (this feeling obviously followed by morning sickness).

She became the first one of my friends on her way to motherhood. Let’s put it this way, this was a big thing in my life. I’ve studied with Ana the university and wrote our thesis together. We were like brother and sister. Suddenly, she being married and pregnant changed our friendship forever. I was no longer the friend there for her, I was about to become “Uncle Luis”.

How did I get here?

It was Ana's idea. Yes, I'm not going to blame it on myself, or global warming, or Mexico's insecurity crisis, or the World Cup. It was all Ana's idea. Yes, it was her idea to write about how Luis Perez (me) deals with Luca (2 years and a half old kid ) and Didi (10 months old girl) in New Zealand.

Like any other "blogger", let me tell you something about myself, and lets do it using bullets, just like I used to do it back in my corporate communication job in Mexico:

- Born in the Eastern coast of Mexico on the 22nd of May of 1981.
- Average looking Mexican (decently hot outside of Mexico).
- Currently studying a Master Degree in International Relations and Human Rights at the U of Auckland.
- Worked for the corporate communication unit in a multinational cement company in Mexico for 4 years.
- Generally nice open minded Mexican, with a sarcastic sense of humour and very used to being nagged by women since I was born.

Well, that's me, and the following texts were written as a result of my every day experiences  and activities with Ana and her two kids. These two kids that I've learnt to love and protect as my own.

The title of this blog is obviously the result of being single while wandering around New Zealand holding any of these two kids in my arms. Believe me, this situation have changed my perspective about parenting and children in general.

(text revised and edited by certified kiwis)