Where was I?

Where was I? Oh... right, I remember now.

Hello my four readers, for the last couple of weeks I haven't had time to write some lines about my life here in this amazing country. I have to confess something, I've been really busy due to things I'm doing now that I love to do. I still have many things to tell you, but let me bring you guys to the present time. I learnt many things during the last couple of weeks:
- Whale hunting is wrong
- Nothing good happens after 2am
- Compromising and Commitment are confusing and dissimilar terms
- Never tell "I told you so" to a mum of 2.
- Sleeping is overrated
- Assumptions and intuition can't be used as arguments during a conversation

And the most important one, I learnt how to change a nappy for the very first time. According to Ana it didn't count because it was a wet nappy... whatever, it does count!

Also, I'm happy, very very happy, struggling with a student/babysitter/jointentrepeneur busy life and facing a very uncertain but exciting future. I promised I'll come back soon with some "dirt".

Have a great day my four friends and keep on smiling.

The Coffee Group

Hello to my three followers. Are you guys enjoying this nonsense? Hope so, and if you do please leave a comment, what would you like me to write about and, or whatever.

Anyway, after that day at the gym, my very first day, I was all excited, right? I mean think about it; I have left my country with the mere intention of “let’s give it a try”; I’ve quit the job of my dreams (Oh... f***)... For the first time in many years I finally felt in total control of my destiny. So, with all these things in my mind I didn’t notice how my life was about to enter into a global warming created vortex, and I was being dragged into it along with nappies, babies, wipes, dummies, mums, pregnant women and not a single girl around.

Have you ever been in a place where everybody is looking at you like "what are you doing here?". Like attending a KKK annual meeting while being Mexican, brown and with an accent? Yes? No? Well that’s how I felt the first time I went to this coffee group. You might wonder what a coffee group is and what kind of coffee they offer. Well, one thing is for sure, pregnant women and mums don’t like to drink a lot of coffee, apparently their lives are full of other factors that help them to stay awake naturally.

Coffee groups are formed by a group of moms who get together every week with their toddlers and babies to just share the amazing discoveries they have accomplished while nurturing these little human beings.

‘My kid is teething now, how amazing! He has two front teeth now’- cried one.

‘My girl just said daddy three days ago, oh she is so clever’ – said another, covered in baby vomit.

‘My little boy doesn’t like veggies, he likes sweet stuff rather than mashed kumara’ – confessed ashamed one.

The list goes on an on with more examples like I just presented. One time I dared interrupting with:

‘Oh! Today I finally understood why the economic crisis hasn’t really hit New Zealand and the regional repercussions this could bring to improve the quality of life of the kiwis’

They looked at me totally unimpressed; suddenly the silence I created was broken by:

‘Oh, my baby’s poo is more compacted and looks better than last week, it must be all that kiwi she’s been eating’ – Said one lady

Everybody went ‘oh that’s awesome! Congratulations’

Really? Well anyway, that’s how I started to get involved with this clan, these people, mums who couldn’t believe I was enjoying hanging out with them. Later, I came to the realization that I was really enjoying sharing and chatting with these ladies. However, those stares and looks I got the first time I attended this coffee group still haunt me at night.

It’s just milk

Mums and very pregnant women, that’s what I found at gymnastics, a market I’ll never be willing to approach. Didi started crying, finally I noticed the puke on my black shirt, looked at Ana for some support.

It’s just milk – she said quite harshly – It’ll come off eventually.

Eventually? Like when she graduates from college? Didi got louder. I kept these thoughts to myself, saying them out loud would have only brought terrible consequences to humankind. Ana looked for something inside her purse; she pulled out a dummy and placed it in Didi’s mouth. Didi stopped crying. Ana took Luca and ran into the building. I put Didi in the stroller and followed Ana’s trail.

Pause. Let me tell you something about dummies, they are awesome! This little thing with a plastic bubble (apparently resembling a mother’s nipple) which comes in different colours and designs is just the most amazing invention of the millennium. Apparently you put this plastic bubble (which resembles the mother’s nipple, in case you forgot about it) in the baby’s mouth and they just suck from it like breastfeeding but not really. And for no apparent reason the baby falls asleep, stays quiet, calms down, stops screaming. This dummy device is the best thing that ever happened to me while taking care of these cute creatures. Every single man should have one of these things hanging from his key chain. True story.

So, I managed to get the stroller inside the YMCA building, took the elevator to the second floor where the gymnastics class was held. Ana was already there in a circle with other 12 mums with their kids. It looked like some sort of an ancient ritual. A ritual that only mothers know about and they don’t tell anyone else about it. I entered the huge indoor basketball court with my precious niece. Ana looked at me from Salem’s witch round like saying “just sit down on one of the seats by the side of the court and take care of my baby, meanwhile just worry about nodding and smiling when other mums look at you”. Oh she is awesome at telepathic conversations. So, I did the only thing I know how to do the best: just do as you are told and you’ll be fine.

On my way to that seat, pushing this stroller with this little baby half asleep in it I could feel the stares of these women, these mothers, these (most of them) very pregnant mothers. Some of the kids glanced at me like if I’ve just entered the wrong room. Even the gymnastics trainer seemed disturbed by my presence there. To be honest I never looked into that direction on my way to the seats, however, I’m sure that’s pretty much how it happened. I approached to this set of seats in order to sit down, just the way my friend told me to do so.

Put Didi in my arms, sat down and suddenly I realized that definitely this was completely different to my life back in Mexico. Didi puked a little bit more “milk” on my black shirt. Oh, did I mention the gymnastics trainer was kind of cute? At least she wasn’t very pregnant or married. However, she never looked at me nor spoke to me ever. Ana’s response 4 weeks later: “She thought you were someone’s husband”.  

The Gym

Really people, 50 km/hr? It’s like you drive slowly so you don’t catch up with the rest of the world. I was recently invited to an 80’s theme party. I thought for a while where to get a proper outfit from the 80’s, and then I realized I just need to go to any store in Auckland and,... sorry but true story!

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, so I woke up in New Zealand. Believe it or not, babies are loud. So I arrived on a Friday and I tried to recover from that long flight over the Pacific Ocean during that weekend. On the first night Didi cried and cried and cried and cried and cried... and then she breathed just to cry a little more. On Sunday, while having dinner, Laurence, Ana’s husband, was telling me about how lucky I was by being single in New Zealand. Yes, apparently there are more women here than men, amazing fact number 231 of kiwiland.

- Oh, Luis, tomorrow I’m going to take you to the kids’ gym – Ana said quite excited – lots of women go there, you’ll see.
- Gymnastics? – I replied meanwhile Luca’s eating habits were really distracting me (he was just throwing his food on the floor and spilling water on the glass table) - Your kid goes to the gym?
- Of course, we go every Monday – Said Ana not really minding Luca’s surreal food art on the table.
- Yes Luis, that’s a fantastic idea - concurred Laurence.
Uhhhhh... lots of women! Sounded really weird that they get together at this gym on a Monday morning, but, hey, new country new rules right?

Anyway, one thing was for sure, I wasn’t really interested on going out with anyone or even flirting with any girl at that moment. I still had feelings for this girl who I was dating back in Mexico. Hey, I had to say it, true story, I know she reads this. However, just wondering and looking around wouldn’t hurt anyone right?

Monday 6 am, baby girl crying, someone walking to the kitchen to get something from the fridge, little boy watching cartoons on the telly, someone showering, and me, me in this tiny room just laying there asking myself “why Luis, why?”.

Finally the noises ceased, I went back to sleep for one more hour. At 10 am Ana woke me up and told me were on a mission that day.
- We are going to gymnastics today – Ana said while changing Luca into a much sportier outfit - Many of the girls from the coffee group go there as well.
- Coffee group? – I thought coffee group was a coffee tasting club or something.
- You’ll find out eventually, just get ready and please hold Didi while I dress Luca – she put Didi in my arms and went with Luca, who was much focused on this kids morning show rather to his mom’s demands to put some tinny jeans and t-shirt on.

So there I was, with a baby on my arms, wearing only my pyjamas (must thank my mom for this amazing pyjamas, so comfy and warm, deep blue shirt and square trousers, sometimes I even go to the supermarket wearing only this... kidding Mom!) wondering how much time would I have left to brush my teeth. Apparently Ana was reading my thoughts while I was holding her newborn.

Luis, you’d better get off your pyjamas, brush your teeth and wear something comfortable – she said this while Luca was looking at me with this “please do as told” look in his eyes.

Yes, yes, are we late? – Dumb question, never ask a mom if she is running late, they are always late, and if you complain about it they will give you the most amazing comeback in human history “Try being on time with two kids”. Oh it was hard to find some clothes in my 20 kilos full of my only belongings bag.

Ana looked at me with this response in her eyes, so, we were late. Quickly, I put Didi back into her mom’s arms and rush into the bathroom, got changed, brushed my teeth and splash some water on my face. “The fastest Mexican ever” I thought while Ana yelled (more like a roar) from the front door “Hurry we are late!”

She drove and drove and drove (at the incredible speed of 50 km/hr) until we got to this nice building by a park. We got off the car, Ana took Luca straight into the YMCA and I had to put the stroller in proper position in order to place Didi there. You have no idea how complicated a stroller is for someone with no experience whatsoever in kids or babies. Five minutes later Didi was in the stroller’s seat, with her seat belts on and her dummy in her mouth. We were ready to rumble at gymnastics. Finally I entered the gym, in fact there were lots of women, Ana and Laurence were right.
- Wait a second... they are all mums or very pregnant mums Ana – Said sadly and somehow disappointed.
- What were you expecting? – Ana answered totally unaware of my sadness and disappointment.

Didi puked some milk on my black shirt, I didn’t mind. Gymnastics is hell.

Jetlagged

Exhausted, I placed my two backpacks on the floor and held that little creature covered in yogurt named Luca in my arms, he totally cleaned his hand on my shirt. I was too tired to notice that. A funny smell was coming from Luca’s behind, still too tired to notice. I turned down the volume of the telly. Then I turned to Ana and hugged her, my dear friend, she was covered on baby vomit, I was too tired to notice either.

Well you did it – Ana said, totally unimpressed – you are back in New Zealand. Luca, who is that man? – asked the boy who was sort of licking dried yogurt from his right hand.

Uiiiiiis – he said, well, at least he pronounces my name better than the New Zealand migration officer.

There’s no way to express how I felt when he said my name (or at least the vowels in it). Uncle Luis finally arrived to Kiwiland.

My first days in this country were for some reason confusing, frustrating and at the same time relaxing and motivating. Before coming here, everything was sort of arranged, solved and predictable. Suddenly I was unemployed, alone and clueless about how things work in this place. My first night was horrible, I had nightmares, and a constant crying was drilling in my brain for some reason. It was not a nightmare, it was Didi, this 5 months old baby who was awake at 4 in the morning.

Suddenly I found myself wondering if I’ve made the right decision. The crying kept on going, I turned to one side of this tiny bed, tried to rearrange the pillow (not really a pillow, more like a decorative small pillow) in order to feel more comfortable, didn’t work. Oh god, did I struggle to sleep on that bed for almost 20 days. This was actually not a real bed, more like the base of a mattress. Yet, I wasn’t aware that my corporate, suited up, expensive restaurant days were officially over. They were so over, no more going out to expensive clubs, dinning at nice restaurants, driving my own French car or watching cable TV in my room. No more Mexican food (you people not from Mexico have no idea what you are missing out), no more of solving things out on my own language, no more good tequila. It was later on when one morning, after I moved out from Ana’s place, that I woke up and assimilated that I was living in a windowless room in a garage in a house with other 5 people. I shouldn’t rush; let’s just go day by day.

Oh, I almost forgot, this is crucial: the most important thing you need to remember about being the uncle of these two beautiful little people is that Luca and Didi look very Caucasian, just like Laurence. Also remember that Laurence works full time from Monday to Friday. Therefore Ana and I hang out with the kids pretty much the whole time, and Ana and I don’t look very “white”.  

On February the 22^nd I woke up in the wrong hemisphere, with people driving in the wrong side of the road; talking about rugby and the All Blacks; and having hot savoury pies as their major snack. This Mexican needed to get used to the long Maori names given to streets and the annoyingly slow speed limits they have here (really guys 50 km/hr, why?). Oh no, I wasn’t in Kansas anymore (cultural reference to the Wizard of Oz, in case you were wondering).

Welcome to NZ

I returned to Monterrey, Mexico; my thoughts remained in that moment, the moment when Didi held my finger with her tiny hand and Luca said “tio Luis, bye tio Luis” (‘tio’ for ‘uncle’ in Spanish). Right before leaving the hospital room where Ana was recovering, Ana said “cancel your ticket you know you want to stay”. I hate women in general, they just put this kind of thoughts in your head but they don’t take responsibility for the actions you take after following their advice! Never mind.

Back in Mexico I told everyone about Laurence, Ana, the kids, New Zealand, sheep everywhere, Auckland, the funny accent, the All Blacks, the pies, driving on the wrong side of the road, the funny money they have, etc. I obviously posted pictures of my trip on my facebook page. My friends loved the pictures, and the girls asked “oh who is that lovely kid?” and I answered “this is Luca, he is my nephew”. “Oh you look so cute with the boy; it seems you are good with kids, that’s sooo cute”. Do you see the market opportunity here? Of course you do. Anyway...

There were a lot of things to do before turning my life into a state of unemployment, ambiguity, fragile migratory status and solitude. As I said, lots of things had to be done in order to leave properly my country. But hey, you are not here to read the story of another Mexican leaving Mexico. You are here to read how does it feel to babysit two babies in New Zealand while looking for a decent job, applying for a 2 years work permit and don’t get deported in the attempt.

Indeed, let’s jump all the way to the 19th of January 2010. Finally I arrived to Auckland, but this time Laurence wasn’t there waiting for me at the airport. Neither was Ana or the kids, or ... anyone. Just my dear friend Ranjhid Mohapatra, my taxi driver that day, was there for me, driving me all the way to 21 Thorp St. I imagined, on my way to Ana’s, how I’d be welcomed by these fantastic people. Hugs, smiling faces, a nice dinner, Luca all happy with the presents I brought him from the motherland, yes, I was day dreaming again. Finally I arrived to my destination, paid Ranjhid and walked to the front door. I heard some voices, but I was in trance, so didn’t really pay attention.


I knocked on the door twice; "come in", Ana’s voice was clear but anxious. I opened the door slowly, the welcoming I imagined turned into the must unpredictable / surreal scenario. First I saw Luca; covered in yogurt, screaming, crying, and looking at me like saying “what are you doing standing there? Don’t you see I’m crying about something critical in my life? Who are you anyway?” He had this dried booger line on his cheek, apparently he had a running nose and well, it was evident he wasn’t happy about it. I entered cautiously, then I heard Ana “Luis is that you?” when I saw her, oh my gosh, she was holding this beautiful baby girl in her arms. Looking at Didi again didn’t make me notice that Ana looked exhausted. There were things every where on the floor, yogurt spread on this glass table (I hate dried dairy products), the phone was ringing and the telly was on high volume, It was a war zone. Didi was crying, Luca was screaming, Ana was very close to passing out and I was jetlagged. This is how New Zealand welcomed me.

Love at first sight...

She was the first of my closest friends to have a baby. When I was talking on the phone with Ana I could hear a baby crying in New Zealand, indeed it was the miracle of life. Oh the miracle of life and New Zealand, wait, really? Where the heck is that country? Of course I knew where it was, however half of Mexico (and almost 83% of the United States’ population) thought that New Zealand was very close to the UK, true story.

Anyway, they named their little boy Luca, and they decided to come to Mexico to show Ana’s family and friends what an amazing human being they’ve conceived 9 months ago (apparently during a “special” night full of tequila shots and cheap beer).  The moment I held Luca in my arms I knew that I was good with kids or babies or... whatever thing related. However I also thought: “let's take this little fellow to the shopping mall and see what single ladies have to say about it”. I also thought about the amazing things that I’ll teach to this guy when he turns 18. His first beer, his first “lets buy Uncle Luis a pint of Guinness because his pension money is not enough”, his first job as my wing man, oh wait, that’ll be soon at the shopping mall. 

While I imagined all this rubbish in my head Ana said to me “Why don’t you move to New Zealand with us?” Me? New Zealand? What’s there? Is it still part of Australia or they are independent now? (just kidding). Ana’s proposal was even more tempting than Japanese twins in a hot tub (if you know what I mean). New Zealand... that kept me thinking for a while.

After a month in Mexico the new family went back to Kiwiland, sombreros, Mexican souvenirs and salsas included (still sad donkeys didn’t get the visa so they stayed in Mexico). They left me with travelling thoughts wondering in my mind, my day dreaming problem aggravated.  

This wasn’t over; on January of 2009 Ana sent me an email:

Dear Luis

Blah blah blah blah blah ... I’m late, it happened three months ago, or so... blah blah blah... I’m now pregnant... blah blah blah... it’s a girl!

Love

Ana

Ps: quit your job and come to New Zealand!

Again! Again Ana announced to the world (donkeys no longer impressed) that she was pregnant. Not only that, but that the baby she was expecting was a girl. A girl! I was overwhelmed by all this. So after reading that email I had a sip of this very nice cabernet sauvignon (such a nice wine that I can no longer buy because I don’t have a corporate job, thanks Ana) and sighed.

I applied for the New Zealand Working Holiday Visa in April 2009; guess what, I got it. I took some days off work and went to Auckland in September. During my visit to Ana’s foster country I witnessed one of the most amazing events in my life: Emma Dilara’s birth. When I arrived to Auckland, Ana was a very pregnant woman. And by “very” I mean “wooooow”.

Let me tell you something about pregnant women, they are always right, they are always moody, ruthless and can destroy your self esteem by only using small sentences. I decided not to mention anything to Ana regarding her appearance. However I’m a very expressive person, so when she asked me “How do I look with this on?” I said “fine”. Wrong answer; let me put it this way, the consequences of that “fine” resulted in me travelling solo around the North Island for two weeks.

I did travel for two weeks while in New Zealand, Ana and Laurence were really busy with all the arrangement they had to make for Didi’s birth. Ana’s mom was there as well, so it was a very Mexican-ish  preparation thing. Finally, on my last weekend in New Zealand, on the 19^th of September of 2009 Emma Dilara was born.

If love at first sight exists it might be much related to what I felt the first time she smiled at me (I know what you are thinking “newborns don’t smile”, she smiled at me, no question about it). The cutest thing ever, little hands, little fingers, little body, and those little eyes looking at my face for the first time. The day after her birth I flew back to Mexico. My decision was taken already.

On the moment Didi held my finger with her tiny hand I decided to moved out of Mexico and give New Zealand a try.

Rhetorical questions of a complicated uncle.

“Uncle”; that word protruded in my head for weeks. It wasn’t only the fact that my friend was bringing a new human being to this complicated world; it was much more than just that. Ana’s pregnancy meant to me the beginning of a new era, a new phase in my life. With the word “uncle” still echoing in my head I realized that I was getting older. Yes, it’s true; when your close friends decide it’s time to get married and have kids it means you are getting older. You go from going out with your friends to not going out at all with your friends because they are busy changing diapers or “dating” other couples. Dating other couples, sincerely people, why do you do that? Isn’t complicated enough to satisfy your partner’s needs that you feel the urge to interact and pretend you are interested in somebody else’s life and ideas? Anyway, that’s not the point. And it was a rhetorical question, so please stop thinking about this.

Where was I? Oh yes, Ana was pregnant, right? Indeed, the fact that I just knew when this baby would be born made me think and think and think a little bit more. You need to know something about me, I daydream, true story. Sometimes I lose sense of time and space while daydreaming, it is my favourite sport. So for the first couple of weeks after knowing that Ana was pregnant I kept daydreaming, I imagined my life as an uncle, a young uncle. I’ll carry this newborn everywhere I went, and people will look at me and would say “Oh look at that beautiful baby and that must be the uncle, what a handsome young man”. I also imagined those hot “ready to commit” women, wondering if I was the dad or just the uncle. I’ll stop and like if I was reading their minds will say “No, wait, I’m just the uncle, and by the way, I’m single”. Am I actually talking about using a baby to revert my lack of luck in relationships so far? Anyway.

Many questions lured through my mind. How would he look like? Will he like me? What will I be able to teach this new person? Silently, I waited, and waited... eight long months, then one day, Doña Elvia, Ana’s mom, called me and said to me “The baby was born yesterday in Auckland”. He was born, he was here, well, not really “here” but somewhere. It’s funny how when I hung up the phone a feeling of solemnity and formality grew inside of me. Thoughts I never had before started running through my mind; “Uncle” thoughts. I felt so, how could I put it? So like a grown up, yes, that’s how I felt. Like when they offer you a drink at the pub and you say “Oh no, I’m driving”, here I felt like “Oh no thanks, my nephew was born today, so...I can’t”. Responsibility, that’s sort of what I felt. Things from how to hold that little baby in my arms will feel to changing nappies.

Note to the reader: Later, when I changed nappies for the first time, I decided I’ll never do that for someone else’s kids. It’s gross. Changing nappies it’s not an event that decides if you are a grown up or still growing, definitely no.

The next day I tried to contact Ana over the phone, I wanted to know how she felt. Later on she shared her feelings with me, and I quote: “You wanted to know how I felt? Really? You want to know how it feels to push and push and push for 30 hours straight and then see how a creature the size of an average watermelon comes out of a cavity the size of a cherry?” Ana at her finest. (I’m not sure about the cherry thing though). Well, at least I didn’t have to listen her complaints about morning sickness.

Back to basics...

“Dear friends, Laurence and I are so happy to tell you that we are pregnant!” Ana’s email was neat, clear and informative. Honest happiness and a full bag of positive emotions could be felt in every single word written in that email.

That was three years ago, I read that email in Monterrey, Mexico. Today, I write these lines from Auckland, New Zealand. This is how the most amazing adventure of this single Mexican male started.

Ana and Laurence 2010

Ana is one of my best friends, and since she told me she was pregnant, I knew that my days as a regular friend were over. Ana and I studied at the same university, where we met for the first time in 2001. Our friendship grew stronger during the last year of university, right after we came back from our exchange program in Europe during the spring in 2004. When she arrived, Ana told me that she has met this amazing guy in Finland (he is not Finnish, he is sort of half English half Turkish, anyway).

Her eyes glowed with joy every time she was talking about Laurence, we couldn’t wait to meet the man who has stolen our friend’s heart. Finally, 6 months after Ana came back from Europe, Laurence arrived to Mexico, to the mother land, the land of the mariachis, tacos, Coronas and all the Mexican stereotypes that you might imagine (except for the one about Mexican men with big moustaches, wearing huge sombreros and riding sad looking donkeys). So we met Laurence, nice kind hearted blond guy, egg shaped bald head, skinny and transparent; we all approved. After a while they got married and they moved to New Zealand. Nine months later Ana announced to all of us that she was pregnant. When the announcement was made by her mother the entire Mexican community cheered and drank tequila in joy (sad looking donkeys included).

While I was celebrating with our friends in Mexico, Ana realized that now she had to assimilate that her life was about to change in eight months time. Oh, the miracle of life, so mysterious, so unexpected. Even though that baby wasn’t born yet, Ana felt like the most loving mother on earth (this feeling obviously followed by morning sickness).

She became the first one of my friends on her way to motherhood. Let’s put it this way, this was a big thing in my life. I’ve studied with Ana the university and wrote our thesis together. We were like brother and sister. Suddenly, she being married and pregnant changed our friendship forever. I was no longer the friend there for her, I was about to become “Uncle Luis”.

How did I get here?

It was Ana's idea. Yes, I'm not going to blame it on myself, or global warming, or Mexico's insecurity crisis, or the World Cup. It was all Ana's idea. Yes, it was her idea to write about how Luis Perez (me) deals with Luca (2 years and a half old kid ) and Didi (10 months old girl) in New Zealand.

Like any other "blogger", let me tell you something about myself, and lets do it using bullets, just like I used to do it back in my corporate communication job in Mexico:

- Born in the Eastern coast of Mexico on the 22nd of May of 1981.
- Average looking Mexican (decently hot outside of Mexico).
- Currently studying a Master Degree in International Relations and Human Rights at the U of Auckland.
- Worked for the corporate communication unit in a multinational cement company in Mexico for 4 years.
- Generally nice open minded Mexican, with a sarcastic sense of humour and very used to being nagged by women since I was born.

Well, that's me, and the following texts were written as a result of my every day experiences  and activities with Ana and her two kids. These two kids that I've learnt to love and protect as my own.

The title of this blog is obviously the result of being single while wandering around New Zealand holding any of these two kids in my arms. Believe me, this situation have changed my perspective about parenting and children in general.

(text revised and edited by certified kiwis)